Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Catching up...having a tumor and all the other junk!

Hey everyone,

At Red-X car show this summer

I can't believe it has been over a year since I last posted. So much has changed in my life, I thought I would catch you all up, and hopefully I can keep my blogging up to at least two posts a week. I really do enjoy writing and sharing beauty, makeup, fashion, and lifestyle tips and stories!


Last summer I know I posted about the death of my mom's cat Jerri, but I didn't really say all the other stuff. Basically, my grandma had to go to a nursing home and I became her advocate. It's a really wonderful thing and I'm glad I can help her, but it was an adjustment to my life.

Also, my uncle and I had a huge falling out, and we never really got along anyways since I had become an adult. He had stage four cancer and in April he died. We never got to patch things up, even though honestly I don't know that we could have. I pray for him everyday, and I hope he can forgive me for my part in all our arguments. Honestly, we leave all the petty shit behind when we die I hope!

Last fall and winter I got really depressed. We were trying to have a baby and it just wasn't working. This is such a frustrating topic I won't even touch on it for long. I just want to say if you are pregnant or have a baby please be sensitive to other women, and don't flaunt your baby around too hurtfully. I never realized how much having good reproductive organs affects a woman's self-esteem, but it does. I'm just saying, I got my feelings pretty hurt a few times by people making comments like, "Why don't you give your husband a baby?" or my favorite, "Just have sex 14 days after the first day of your period." Really people??? Lol, only people who have struggled to get pregnant probably get it.

Then last winter I got super sick with bronchitis and developed some asthma. You can't believe how scary it is not being able to breath, unless you've gone through it. My anxiety was through the roof. I was snowed in to my house, couldn't go to work, and literally felt like I was going nuts. It was a very bad time for me, and I ended up going back to my old shrink I went to after dad died. He's so awesome, he has really helped me get back on track with my anxiety and depression. I feel so much better now! :) I am currently not smoking and so proud of myself. Quitting smoking is like eating healthy, every day, every hour is a struggle. You just have to do the best you can. And FYI electronic cigarettes can be very dangerous and are not a good replacement for regular cigs...You can look up the studies if don't believe me.

So in the spring I developed some weird flu and could not eat, just in time for all my bridesmaid duties! I did them anyways because there was no way I was flaking out on my friend Courtney, but there were times I was afraid I would just collapse. At Courtney's rehearsal dinner my lymph nodes seemed a little swollen and I noticed a lump on my jaw. I asked one of the guests who works in the medical field and she said I should get it looked at.

Court and I at Rehearsal Dinner
Courtney's wedding

So starting in May I began the journey of finding out what the hell was on my damn jaw. The first doc said you're crazy and touching your face too much just take allergy medication and stop touching it. A month later it was still there I went to see a doc I knew and trusted. He gave me an x-ray and said maybe it was a cyst and sent me to a specialist. The specialist sent me to get an ultrasound, and then to get a biopsy. It turned out I had a tumor in my paratoid gland.

A paratoid gland is a saliva gland on the side of your face, right over your jaw by your ear. You have one on each side, and they are pretty big. My tumor was benign, but they still need to remove them because any tumor can turn to cancer, they are not meant to be in your body basically.

Getting the tumor off is a huge deal because you have a bunch of nerves right there and can get paralyzed. They basically cut your face from in front of your ear down to your throat, pull the skin back, pull your nerves back trying not to damage them, remove the tumor, lay your nerves back down, sew you back up. My surgery was only supposed to be two hours, but ended up taking about three and a half. You have a drain and everything. It is pretty painful. But I was blessed and everything went well. I'm telling you, Jesus keeps an extra eye on me so I'm trying to step it up and be a better person!!! Seriously.

I recovered and really had a wonderful summer. Everyone always says they cherish life better after something like this, and it ain't no lie. I am 31 years old and I could die anytime, I've already had a damn tumor in my freaking face. I am trying to enjoy my life and never be bored, just to really appreciate every single thing in my life, even stress.

At the end of March we joined a Catholic parish and we've been going every Sunday. It's been really great, I'm even converting. Hopefully, I will get confirmed and my first communion on Easter Eve.

On September 21, 2013, we got our marriage blessed by the church! It was our 12 year wedding anniversary, and it was such a beautiful day. We went to the Plaza Art Fair afterwards and partied!

Also, I got my old job back and I applied for a new opportunity so we shall see! I still do pinup shoots, just on a more limited basis. It's actually great, I have so much time and energy to devote them when I get an opportunity. I guess doing the photo thing for me full-time just doesn't work out right now, and I'm okay with that.

Starting three days ago, I stepped up my game and am wearing my cute clothes and wearing makeup every day! I decided it's not worth it to just leave clothes sitting in a drawer or hanging in the closet. I don't want to die before I get to wear them! Sorry, I know that sounds morbid but it's true, lol! Same with makeup, I have enough for a small army, it needs to get used so I can buy more, bahaha!

I am also transitioning to cruelty-free makeup, skin care, and other vanity products. It is a huge endeavor, and I should probably do a blog post soon so I can help anyone else trying to take that journey.

I'm going to end this post with a sad but funny story.

The other day in our Sunday school class for converts, we discussed Purgatory. This is a place people go if they are going to Heaven, but aren't ready yet. If you think someone you love is in Purgatory, you should pray for them, because prayers of the faithful help them in lots of ways, basically. So I asked Gabe if he would pray with me for all our dead relatives whether they are in Heaven, or Purgatory, just in case anyone we know needed our help.

So we sat down and held hands and I started praying, it kind of sounded like this because I'm not that good at praying yet,

"God, if you can, please help all our relatives who have died. Please help my dad Jim, Steve (my stepdad), Uncle David, granddad, Grandma Florene, my friend Marcie, Uncle Charles..."

Gabe started laughing and I was like, "What is so funny?"

He said, "Mom, everyone we know is dead!"

I was like, "No way, think of all the people who are still alive and be thankful for them."

I had to smile afterwards and think of how strong we all are, because we have lost so much but we keep going and find happiness everyday.

Whether you are religious or not, I hope you can find things to make you happy.

Now you are all caught up!



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